So on December 27th 2007 I was skiing in beautiful Les Houches when - trying out a new ski / boot combo - I stupidly fell.. and the saga with AXA Travel Insurance (via Lloyds TSB ‘Premier’ service) began.

Whilst the problems with my knee continue (ACL broken, but re-attached to PCL, if you’re interested) the AXA travel insurance claim should have been straightforward. I’d called the overseas number the same day and made them aware of an upcoming claim. I’d religiously asked for, kept and copied every receipt and hospital report. On return to the UK, I filled in their from (that can’t be done online for “procedural reasons” - excuse me but WTF? Why not?) and then waited. And waited some more. And then some more.

When I called, they then noticed that whosoever had entered my details has reduced my address to (I exaggerate, but not much) Paul Harrison, London. So we put that right. And I waited some more. I called up again. Again - ha ha, how silly we are! - Axa realised they hadn’t in fact updated my address when I was on the phone with them. So they may have sent me stuff but - weirdly - the postal service couldn’t deliver these crucial documents without a house number, street or postcode.

To cut a long story short, finally the papers arrived. And they were the one’s I’d already completed. But now everyone was happy at least and the claim could proceed - it had only taken 5 months.

Then in May - nothing

June - nothing

July - still a whole lot nothing, nada, zip, zilch, zero.

Just got off the phone to them. My claim is being ‘presented to the payment department tomorrow’ ( yeah, right ) and they’ll call me back if any more problems. Well let’s see. Whilst I wait, lets see if we can get to the top of Google before they pay me. But what phrases should we aim for? Something a bored ted top headline writer might come up with:

“So I married an AXA Murderer”
“AXA a stupid question?”
“ThAXA for nothing”

but I feel like settling on something more prosaic:

AXA Travel Insurance, terrible customer service
AXA Travel Insurance, difficulty making a claim
AXA Travel Insurance, long wait for claim payout

and, indeed from the heart

AXA you *****, pay me my money now

Lets see how we get on.

AXA, if you’re unable to set up an online form for claims, I doubt you track your brand in the blogosphere, but a bonus point to you if you read this and comment below (two bonus points if you can come up with a dumb AXA related headline)

Rant over.